Week 2 Story
The man tore across the dark street and they followed. As he
briefly looked behind him, he could see the many darkened faces of the creature
(creatures? he couldn’t tell) strolling towards him in such a way that they
came after him with little movement. The creature itself was not large by our
standards, but its presence was known to drive men insane, its face (faces?)
would look into men and they would care not for the torment that it would cause.
The man had angered the wrong people in his life and now the creature was after
him.
He felt like he was running through water, as if he was in a
dream. When he got to the other side of the road, he knew that unless he did
something soon, he was doomed. Je couldn’t keep up the pace any longer. As he
moved from the road, there was only one place to go – an alley that ran between
two skyscrapers that pierced the sky and loomed over him. The crowds that he pushed
through to get there seemed not to notice what was happening. They hadn’t broken
the code, so why should they care? They couldn’t see the monstrosity (only one?)
casually worming itself between them. They had no need to fear as the man did.
Coming into the alley, the man recognized where he was, and
for a brief second, thought of the vagrant who he had met long ago. A husk of a
person, so starved for food that he couldn’t tell if they were male or female,
wrapped up in only a few yellowed rags of cloth which hadn’t truly seen the
light of day for years. The vagrant, who he had seen be pushed down the stairs
of the Roscoe Building, breaking their arm in the process. He wasn’t close when
it happened, but he heard the sharp crack of splintered bone. The man had
healed people in the past, but this was different, the vagrant wasn’t a “real”
person like the others, vagrants were just fodder for the creatures of this
dark place, this disgusting city. Seeing this, the man made a remarkable decision
– to help.
Within the next few weeks, the vagrant became recognizable,
gone were the rags that marked one for death, gone was the distended stomach
which people were reviled by, and gone was the fear that one day, soon, the
creatures would come. This fear was passed on to the man.
The vagrant turned to the man one day and spoke, “I have a
place, people, who can help you be rid of this city, can help whoever you love
escape”. The man didn’t believe, he had heard too many say the same thing. “You’re
just as foolish as the rest of this place”, he muttered. The vagrant hearing this,
rummaged into a pocket and pulled out something beautiful, something miraculous.
It came in a pink bottle, which glowed in response to being seen, as if it
could feel their hope. The man looked inside, and knew what had to be done, that
this vagrant, this “fake” person could lead him to salvation.
He sent his loved ones along with the vagrant. He knew that
he had to stay, that he had to face punishment for removing someone from their
position within the city. It didn’t take long for it (them?) to find him. As he
was sitting on a rusted bench, he felt that gnawing sensation at the back of
his neck. He didn’t know what “it” was, but he knew if they (it?) got close, it
would rend into his flesh just as the forsaken city had tore into the earth
thousands of years ago. The creature (creatures?) had always been with the city,
bringing people to live here, eventually disposing of them in the worst of ways.
The man stood up and began to move.
In the alley, with the them (it?) closing in, feeling his sanity
being ripped away, feeling the gnashing rows (how many rows???) of teeth trying
to tear off pieces of him. As he moved slower, slower, and slower still, the
creature screamed, an unearthly sound that could be heard throughout the city,
scaring all who dared to listen. It knew the man was done, his sanity pulled away
like a blanket in the middle of a cold night. Before the man could succumb, a manhole
opened up, pulling him into the sweet darkness of what the under-city would hold.
He didn’t wake for weeks. As he opened his eyes, he saw he was lying in a garden,
looking up to a bright blue sky. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw that
color. The vagrant stood above him, looking down, and spoke in a deep, calming
voice that everything would be okay now. The man had be transported to Joy, the
fabled place within the Earth, that the creature had been borne out of, the
place where only the noble of the Earth could walk, only the kind, only the
people that stopped to care for others.
by Thomas Thoma
Basically this story was meant to be a re-telling of the quick fable "Androcles and the Lion" in a horror-esque setting. In this version, it takes place within some city, with "the man" being Androcles and "the vagrant" being the lion. Instead of a thorn that is the problem, the broken arm + people not caring are the issue. Instead of being eaten by a lion, the vagrant/lion saves Androcles/the man from some creature.
"Androcles and the Lion" written by Joseph Jacobs from "The Fables of Aesop"
Hey Andrew!
ReplyDeleteI love that you've chosen to re-work this tale against the backdrop of macabre urbanity. I also appreciate that you've included the archetype of the beggar figure; while beggars are scorned by most of society, the worthy few who stop to offer assistance are rewarded by their secret knowledge of the path to happiness and salvation. This idea is seen throughout the world of myth and folklore. My only critique is that the constant parentheses were somewhat distracting, and I don't think they're necessary; by adding a question word after every uncertain statement made by the narrator, you don't leave room for the reader to explore the scene within their own imagination. Other than that, wonderful job!
Andrew, you did a great job of recreating this story. I did not even realize is was based off of the Androcles and the lion. Your attention to detail really kept me interested throughout the whole story. My only comment are the questions in parentheses, I think your story would flow better if you perhaps removed them and made it seem like the one talking was thinking these things. Maybe you could quote them and say something like, "them? or it?" the man questioned his own sanity....
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